Thoughts on Adversity and Kindness ~ Food for Thought

In the last few months, I have faced a lot of adversity or questions in regards to Jiliang's hair, which is something that I have really been struggling with in regards to my daughter's self-image. In my opinion, missing hair and a scar are nothing. Our family feels so fortunate that she is ALIVE, and even more happy that she is smart, happy, and developmentally and cognitively well. When we encounter well-meaning strangers, I ask myself, "Is that the first thing that you see?" I struggle with the fact of educating concerned strangers and acquaintances about Jiliang, versus totally pulling the mystery/it's-none-of-your-business card. I really feel like I am moving in the latter direction, for Jiliang's best interest - not mine. Every time I explain Jiliang's situation, I feel sad that I have done my daughter a disservice in the measures of her privacy.

My surprise encounter with Pauline was sort of an answer to my prayers. What should I do, God? Teach me how to empower my daughter to be strong in the face adversity and feel good about her inner and outer beauty. I struggle with the idea that covering it up is like making her like the rest of us - aiming for perfection and giving in to societal norms - although, she is perfect to us. The other part of me wants to give her what every little girl deserves: hair. I do pray that her scar will teach others about acceptance, compassion and adversity - just not every time we go to the grocery store, gas station or family outing.

We have a family friend who is undergoing massive reconstruction for a trauma/accident. I am constantly appalled at what people ask him and how they ask him what happened to him, in the most unfathomable, ignorant ways. Although, in "most" of my encounters, people ask about Jiliang's circumstances in a concerned, sensitive manner, because she is just a child. I wonder what our society is coming to when people forget to use common sense, manners, and respect. When did we stop being human? What is the world coming to when children can bully a child with Cystic Fibrosis on a school bus (latest newsflash)? Yet, the father of that vulnerable special needs child gets penalized for defending his child? Let me tell you right now, my Dad would not have yelled. No, those bullies would have flown through through that bus window, and it would not have stopped at that - my dad would be in jail. Please know that I am not advocating violence! :) I do believe that we are promoting bullying in schools by not creating consequences: Hmm, community service in a children's hospital?

This fall, I was transferred to a preschool classroom that educates the severely disabled children. The magnitude of my family's adversity is only a MERE fraction of what those very special parents go through on a day-to-day basis. I do believe that God chooses very special parents to love children with very special needs. Additionally, I have met some amazing parents at Mott's Children's Hospital and through my adoption network, and they are no exception to that.

Overall, when I look back on all the things that we have endured with Jiliang's surprise diagnosis, grim prognosis, surgery, waiting, and that brings me to where we are now: THANKFUL and BLESSED. We have to ask ourselves: How did we get so lucky to have this beautiful, smart, funny and sweet little girl? Every day that she becomes healthier and smarter, I feel so extremely lucky. Her needs are so small in compared to what others face. When people tell us that she is lucky, I retort that we are the lucky ones. We feel lucky and priveleged to love, parent, and experience the transformation and joy of our amazing daughter. She has taught us about perseverance, strong-will, hope, faith, appreciation, and most importantly: LOVE. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever anticipate that we would receive such a wonderful gift.

I have no answers as to why some children have to face such adversity, limitations, and struggles, and even shortened lives, but I do believe that those same children can inspire and create great change in the world, and change the hearts of many people.

So, I ask something of each and every one of my readers. Ask yourself how can you help to spread the seeds kindess and compassion. Teach your children and grandchild to respect others, regardless of how they may differ from you. Together, we can change the way the world views perfection, for it is what is in our hearts and souls that create perfection and beauty.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi

God Bless You all and thanks for reading today!