Thoughts on Adversity and Kindness ~ Food for Thought

In the last few months, I have faced a lot of adversity or questions in regards to Jiliang's hair, which is something that I have really been struggling with in regards to my daughter's self-image. In my opinion, missing hair and a scar are nothing. Our family feels so fortunate that she is ALIVE, and even more happy that she is smart, happy, and developmentally and cognitively well. When we encounter well-meaning strangers, I ask myself, "Is that the first thing that you see?" I struggle with the fact of educating concerned strangers and acquaintances about Jiliang, versus totally pulling the mystery/it's-none-of-your-business card. I really feel like I am moving in the latter direction, for Jiliang's best interest - not mine. Every time I explain Jiliang's situation, I feel sad that I have done my daughter a disservice in the measures of her privacy.

My surprise encounter with Pauline was sort of an answer to my prayers. What should I do, God? Teach me how to empower my daughter to be strong in the face adversity and feel good about her inner and outer beauty. I struggle with the idea that covering it up is like making her like the rest of us - aiming for perfection and giving in to societal norms - although, she is perfect to us. The other part of me wants to give her what every little girl deserves: hair. I do pray that her scar will teach others about acceptance, compassion and adversity - just not every time we go to the grocery store, gas station or family outing.

We have a family friend who is undergoing massive reconstruction for a trauma/accident. I am constantly appalled at what people ask him and how they ask him what happened to him, in the most unfathomable, ignorant ways. Although, in "most" of my encounters, people ask about Jiliang's circumstances in a concerned, sensitive manner, because she is just a child. I wonder what our society is coming to when people forget to use common sense, manners, and respect. When did we stop being human? What is the world coming to when children can bully a child with Cystic Fibrosis on a school bus (latest newsflash)? Yet, the father of that vulnerable special needs child gets penalized for defending his child? Let me tell you right now, my Dad would not have yelled. No, those bullies would have flown through through that bus window, and it would not have stopped at that - my dad would be in jail. Please know that I am not advocating violence! :) I do believe that we are promoting bullying in schools by not creating consequences: Hmm, community service in a children's hospital?

This fall, I was transferred to a preschool classroom that educates the severely disabled children. The magnitude of my family's adversity is only a MERE fraction of what those very special parents go through on a day-to-day basis. I do believe that God chooses very special parents to love children with very special needs. Additionally, I have met some amazing parents at Mott's Children's Hospital and through my adoption network, and they are no exception to that.

Overall, when I look back on all the things that we have endured with Jiliang's surprise diagnosis, grim prognosis, surgery, waiting, and that brings me to where we are now: THANKFUL and BLESSED. We have to ask ourselves: How did we get so lucky to have this beautiful, smart, funny and sweet little girl? Every day that she becomes healthier and smarter, I feel so extremely lucky. Her needs are so small in compared to what others face. When people tell us that she is lucky, I retort that we are the lucky ones. We feel lucky and priveleged to love, parent, and experience the transformation and joy of our amazing daughter. She has taught us about perseverance, strong-will, hope, faith, appreciation, and most importantly: LOVE. Never, in my wildest dreams, did I ever anticipate that we would receive such a wonderful gift.

I have no answers as to why some children have to face such adversity, limitations, and struggles, and even shortened lives, but I do believe that those same children can inspire and create great change in the world, and change the hearts of many people.

So, I ask something of each and every one of my readers. Ask yourself how can you help to spread the seeds kindess and compassion. Teach your children and grandchild to respect others, regardless of how they may differ from you. Together, we can change the way the world views perfection, for it is what is in our hearts and souls that create perfection and beauty.

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." - Mahatma Ghandi

God Bless You all and thanks for reading today!

Great News!

Sorry to leave everyone with a cliffhanger. :) I didn't mean for that.

Let me tell about what has transpired in the good news department. Back in May, one of Jiliang's ICU nurses, Pauline, had offered to donate her hair towards a hair weave for Jiliang. Pauline is a lovely Chinese-American woman, so her hair would be perfect for Jiliang. Over the summer, I intended to contact Pauline, but I kept losing her email. Finally, in a most unlikely manner, we caught up with one another, and after all of these months, Pauline was still growing her very long hair in hopes that I would contact her. I would like to think of it as fate and a special act of kindness. Thanks Pauline.


LATEST PULMONARY HYPERTENSION VISIT:

More great news: Jiliang met with Dr. Gajarski, an excellent Pulmonary Hypertension specialist. He is renowned at the U of M for his work. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the visit, because it was the first day of school for me. Scott took Jiliang. The reports were good. Basically, her heart repair is doing wonderful. She is doing better than they ever expected.
We are very pleased that we will be taking one of her pulmonary hypertension drug away for 6 weeks prior to her cardiology appointment in December. If that is successful, then she may need to only be on one medication. If that is successful, the next step is to giving her one medication, once per day. Right now, she is on two medications.
We are very, very thankful.

Jiliang has grown 3 inches since she came home from China. When she first came home, she ate enough to feed three kids. Now, she is 4 pounds heavier, but she is eating less (like your typical child).

Summation of the last month and more coming soon

I haven't posted lately, but I would definitely try to post an update of the last month tomorrow. For the most part, Jiliang is doing great. She has turned into a confident, matter-of-fact, extremely smart, sassy and witty little girl. She doesn't miss a beat or forget a promise, and she learns things after doing them or seeing them just once. Her vocabulary is impeccable and she is speaking in complex sentences and polysyllabic words.
She has become very comfortable in our house, and tends to be a little demanding about what she wants. She is also very gentle, sweet, loving and good-natured. Jiliang and T.J. have a love-hate relationship: they are typical siblings, quarrelling one minute and hugging the next.
She has adjusted very well to my return to work. She looks forward to Grandma Harvey watching her on a daily basis. She misses T.J. terribly when he is at school.
I will write more, and attach pictures tomorrow, but I will leave you with these two recent stories:
Last night, I was reading to T.J. and Jiliang walked over and said, "Mom, I'm tired. I want to go to sleep." I told her that I would be finished in a minute, to tuck her in bed. She said, "I tired." Then, she walked over and stood next to the couch and closed her eyes. I motioned for T.J. to look at her, because she looked like she was really standing up sleeping. She heard us whisper and said in a very irritated voice: "I seeping!" Basically: Fine, I'll go to sleep right here.

Recently, I acquired an Old Navy gift certificate. I let Jiliang pick out a Halloween costume online last Sunday. Then, I had the Ann Arbor store place the chosen tiger costume on hold. After work, I went to the store, but decided that the dalmation was much cuter than the tiger costume. Last night, she saw the dalmation costume slightly sticking out of the bag. She said, "Mom, you got the doggie? I wanted the kitty!"

Well, that's it for now. I have much more exciting news, but it will have to wait until tomorrow, so I can put my kiddos to bed.

Jill :)

New Stress-Buster

Jiliang, T.J. and I found these online puzzles last night. You can change the number of pieces by clicking on "change cut".


I love cows.

This mouse puzzle is courtesy of T.J.:


A Jiliang favorite:

Pictures Coming Soon

We have been a little caught up with school starting for T.J. and I. I will try to post some pictures soon from Jiliang's birthday and some recent events.
Jill :)

Uncommon Bond Contest Results

Thanks for all of your votes for the Uncommon Bond Contest. We didn't win, unfortunately, but we felt extremely priveleged to be chosen for the Top 10 finalists. Tractor Supply Company is also sending us a $50 gift certificate, which will feed all of our pets for a month. I am pretty excited about that, and think that was so generous of them, especially since I love TSC. :) Click on the link at the top of the page to read the winning stories, or click here:
http://www.tractorsupply.com/content/storeevents/dog_contest

Jill :)

Very Lucky ~ Close Call Tonight

Jiliang were walking down by the creek tonight. Suddenly, Bear (our black lab) jumped in the mucky area of the creek (not unusual), by the fallen tree limb that is sort of acting as a dam and collecting sludge. I thought to myself, "Why does my dog have to get filthy right before we head in for the night?" Jiliang and I moved about 15 feet, and threw a stick in the clean side of the log to wash him up. About 10 seconds later, we heard a crack, and a very large portion of a dead tree fell right where we had been standing. We must have had a Guardian Angel looking out for us tonight. Then, I thought about how my cousins were playing by the creek yesterday, in the same spot. I am so thankful that noone got hurt, or worse.
I am very thankful indeed!