Today was Jili's Picture Retake Day. She wore her new wig for the first time, which has a different fit to it. Children With Hair Loss made her a different style of wig, because she was due for a new one, AND because (if you recall) Jili cut the side of her last wig off about a month ago. Her new wig is not a custom fit, so it feels like it is not on all the way. However, it looks so beautiful. We are so thankful to Children With Hairloss for her beautiful hair piece.
I was so afraid that Jili's wig would fall off before her afternoon picture retakes, but it luckily it looked very nice. My mom was there when she got her pictures taken, and assured me that they turned out really cute, and yes, Jili was smiling. One of the issues that we are dealing with right now is the helmet versus the wig. She wears her helmet for gym and recess. The helmet comes on and off at least 3 times a day and sometimes it pulls the wig off. Jili is also growing out of the helmet, so it comes on and off really tight. She had an appointment to get a new helmet back in September/October. Unfortunately, our insurance company denied it at first, and it was very expensive. Fortunately, our pediatrian vouched that it was medically necessary, which it is. On November 1st, Scott took Jili back to pick up her new helmet, but it was too small. Eventually, we will have the right size.
China Memories:
Jili is doing so good in school. Today, however, she got really frightened being in the picture line. My mom was holding her hand, and she was so tense. Every now and then she has memories from her orphanage. Her picture line-up reminded her lining up with other friends from her orphanage to get their adoption pictures taken for potential families. After my mom reassured her of what was happening, she was able to smile.
Every now and then she will fear that someone is going to take her away from us, but for the most part, she is very attached and secure in our home. We feel extremely blessed, especially when we look back and see how her sense of security has evolved in the last year: a year ago we were reassuring her that she had a permanent place in our hearts and in our home on a daily basis, and every new person or place had the potential to take her from us. Jili has flashback moments or deja-vu moments that creep up on her, and it reminds us to reassure her that she will always be a part of our family and that she is never going to be separated from us. I honestly think that they are unconscious fears. For example, when we celebrated her birthday this past August, she locked up in fear at the birthday cake part, and would not acknowledge her cake right in front of her. In fact, she outright ignored the cake and tried to start eating watermelon. At first, we thought that she was just embarrassed at the attention. Looking back, she did something similar on her Fourth Birthday with us. Aside from the fact that orphans don't get special treatment like birthdays, we concluded that since she did not celebrate birthdays in China, the only time that she had cake was when she was about to leave the orphanage - when we sent her a cake - a going-away present/going-away party. For Jili, it rendered the memory of celebrating change and goodbye.
For Jili, it triggers a memory, and I don't think that she consciously realizes it, because she loves to go to other children' parties. When she started to open her presents, she shifted back to our happy Jiliang.
In the beginning of the school year, she had another "flashback" to her orphanage, when a lunch helper opened her lunch for her. Jili cried unconsolable, silent tears. We assumed she thought that the lunch lady was going to take her lunch. However, later, she told me that someone opened her lunch for her, and she said, "I cried because she opened my lunch for me and I didn't want to eat." Being in orphanage meant that children needed to eat and not waste. I think children were scolded for not finishing or wasting. I believe that the ayi's expected children to eat what they were served and when they were served, because food was scarce; and from my understanding they ate a lot of rice porridge, an orphanage staple food, with porridge-like rice with chicken. Possibly, they were urged the same meal often - food that was available to them. The simple act of a lunch helper opening her containers caused summoned up a memory from her past. Every day is a blessing, and we feel that these memories are healthy, necessary ways for Jili to process her life before and after her Koeppe family life. We deal with them as they surface and know that someday she will be able to deal with them head-on.
Jili is doing well in school. However, we planned from the start that she would do two years of Kindergarten, due to her age and language abilities. Jili loves her teacher and her school, and I know that we made the right choice to forego Young Five's/Developmental Kindergarten to place her in T.J.'s familiar school. My only complaint is that she doesn't eat at school. Unfortunately, I pack cute little snacks in Halloween boxes and healthy lunches with her favorite things, and it all comes back home, unless I pack NOODLES: spaghetti salad, Chinese salad, Thai noodles with peanut sauce, Chicken Lo Mein, similar spaghetti noodles or Ramen noodles... Of course, when she gets home, she makes up for it by eating non-stop. She still loves Chinese food and is tiring of the American novelty foods.
Aside from an occasional set-back, Jili is growing into an independent, studious, humorous, and thoughtful young lady. She loves to have homework and she is very well-mannered in school. She is very well-focused in school, and I believe that it is from the diciplined order of her Chinese orphanage. She is also very quiet - in school ONLY. My mom volunteers in her classroom. When she doesn't talk, the kids say, "It's okay, she doesn't talk," as if other adults or parents would be offended. When she does talk, the children stop and say, "Stop, she's talking, listen..." Some of the staff have a hard time believing that she talks non-stop at home. :)
At Circle Time, Jili is always quiet when it comes to her turn. When I come to her school, her friends always tell me that she didn't talk at circle again. The information is always well-intended. The awesome moment was when we sent Jili's China journey to school for her sharing project. Jili narrated the entire video and shocked everyone by talking more than she had all year. We had watched it so many times, and it became a natural part of her life. Her teacher was shocked trying to take it all in. Those are the moments you wish you could be present for and capture forever. It gave me faith that my little girl would eventually come out of her shell. I believe I will see that next year. For now, I just love watching her blossom, learn, thrive, laugh, smile and be allowed to just enjoy being a kid. As Thanksgiving approaches, I realize that I have so many blessings, and those blessings are members of my immediate and extended family - especially those named Jiliang and T.J.
