Our girl is officially Jiliang Josephine Koeppe!!

We had our court date today and Jili's received her legal name: Jiliang Josephine Koeppe. I was really nervous sitting there, but the judge walked in with a smile on his face and made the experience quick, painless and memorable.
Our girl said she wants to be American, but insists, "No, I still Chinese!!" I am happy that she is proud of her heritage. I told her, "You are Chinese-American." Today, she has been saying, "Now, I Chinese-American" with a huge smile.
When we were in the courtroom today, she and T.J. shared a chair at the front table in front of Judge Iddings. When the Judge asked if we were there about "Jiliang", and she quietly smiled from her seat. She understood that her name was going to be Jiliang Josephine Koeppe.
Jili has been asking questions about China. "Why was I in China?" "Why didn't T.J. and Dad go?" I know that the tougher questions are coming and these questions alone tugged at our hearts. What I did explain is that she was born in China and T.J. was born in America. I also explained that we waited a long time to meet her and wanted her for a long time. I also said that I went 'Over the Rainbow' to get to her. Scott said, "I saw your picture and said, 'That's my little girl!' I couldn't wait to meet you." Then, T.J. said, "I couldn't wait to meet you either!" I told her the story of how we saw we saw her picture for the first time and picked her. "Daddy and I were so happy and couldn't wait to meet you. You were in China and we were at home." She really understood. "You loved me and waited a long time for me?" "You couldn't wait to meet me, Dad couldn't wait to meet me and T.J. couldn't wait to meet me." "Yes," I said, "I wanted my little girl every day. When we saw your picture, we cried and we said, "She's so beautiful." Jili smiles when we say this. She is growing very confident about her place in our hearts.
Jili has very little memories of her orphanage life in China. I wanted to ask her some things about China, now that she can express herself and while she can still remember. She does not remember her caretakers anymore or aunties (pronounced I E's) from the photos that I was given. I did ask if she missed her "I E's" and she said no. I asked if they were mean to her and she said no. I asked if they hugged her and she said yes. I asked if they kissed her and if they told her they loved her, and she said no to both. She answered "Yes" and nodded that she missed her friends at the orphanage. She said that Fang Fang ("Fon Fon") was like her bigger sister and was nice to her and hugged her. She said that none of the children were mean to her. She recalls playing ball and riding a bike. She also pointed to a picture of her orphanage and said, "Where is my door?" Then, in a photo of her classroom area, she said that she had snack there. Basically, she was taken care of, but understands the difference between caretakers and family.
Jili no longer fears going to new places. During a Christmas shopping trip in December, Jili and T.J. asked me how far China was from our house. I told her that China was far away and that we had to take a big airplane to get there. We couldn't go there in a car, a little airplane or a boat. It was at that moment that I realized that Jiliang feared every car ride, every visit to a new place, and that every form of transportation or transition meant that her family life - as she knew it - could come to a screeching halt. The smile on her face at that moment finally spelled a sigh of relief. She tells me quiet often, "China far away. You can only get there on a big airplane. Not on a car or a boat." She now understands that she is never leaving us.
The Gaoyou Orphanage staff sent us a Chinese New Year card for the 2011 Year of the Rabbit. They also sent us information on the Chinese Homeland Tour. Jili has even expressed an interest in going back to see China. "We go China, say hi and say bye, and go home." This recent strides in her confidence and security have meant so much. When we talk about Chinese related things, she says, "Yeah, MY China." So, when she says that she wants to still be Chinese, it makes me smile. And when I hear the song, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", I think of how far away she was just 1 year ago, as I was packing my bags to leave for China; and I remember the sad face in the picture of that little girl halfway across the world - one who now beams with excitement, and delights in small moments and the simplest pleasures. And when I think of all of the stress, paper-chasing and sorrows, I think of how that little face could melt it all away: "where troubles melt like lemon-drops". Somewhere, far away there was a little girl who needed us and filled our hearts with joy -"Somewhere over the rainbow".

February 2010