One Year Ago ~ Blowing Bubbles on Gotcha Day

This was a huge turning point for us on Gotcha Day. It was such a blessing to see Jiliang smile. I do have to fix this video, however. All of the videos that I took on my Panasonic camera have no sound. Gotcha Day was an emotional day for Jili and this moment was the turning point in our mother-daughter bonding experience. She started to come out of her shell and trust me after the bubble fun. From that point on, we were bonded. :)

One Year Adoption Anniversary

Last February 19th, I departed Detroit Metro Airport enroute to Shanghai, China. I remember the anticipation that I felt, just like it was yesterday. I picked up a few Motown souvenirs to give the orphanage staff and guides, and finally I sat in a Max and Erma's restaurant waiting for my flight. I wondered what China would be like. I was excited. I was nervous. I wondered if my little girl would bond to me.
I met my girl on February 21st (U.S. Time), while Scott, T.J., family and friends eagerly awaited any glimpse of Gao Ji Liang via email. Oh, how it must have felt to see her for the first time!
Initially, Gotcha Day was frightening for her. Here I was, a complete stranger to her, taking her from the only people that she knew. I approached her gently, and when the time take to take custody of her, I had to pry her away from the staff, as she cried a mournful, frightened cry. And when we entered the cab to leave, my China guide, Fred, told me that he was taking us to the grocery store to buy her snacks and food, per the aunties' recommendations. Amen to that, because that experience solidified her trust in me. She loved the snacks and the treats that I bought, so I was sure that she would be comforted by lavish room service feast that I ordered as soon as we returned to our hotel room. A hotel staff member came up to take our dinner order and Jiliang was unphased. However, after our emotional day, I collapsed into tears when she chased the second room service attendant to the door in tears, and tried to open the door to follow her and run out. After I held her and comforted her, I collected myself and pulled out the coloring books that my cousin Kristy had sent, a quilt that my sister made for her, and mini Valentine bubbles that I bought on a whim. In no time, she was smiling. We called Scott soon after, and she shouted "Ba-Ba" into the phone. Scott couldn't wait to meet her. Then, T.J. got to talk to her. He couldn't wait to meet her either. Her grief slowly melted away, and she showed me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. We bonded. She was happy, until it was bedtime. She cried herself to sleep with a soft, whimpering cry, unaware of what tomorrow held for her.
She was officially adopted on February 22nd (the 23rd, Nanjing time), at The Civil Affairs Office in Nanjing, that following morning. As a sign of respect and gratitude, I put the little green sweater on her - one in which the orphanage staff had given her the previous day. She silently cried when I put her little red coat on her, and she commenced to retrieving her little red orphanage hat with a somber sigh, as if to say, "Oh, I thought this was forever." Then, like a good little soldier, she lined up and faced the door, resigned to accept our departure. I tried to tell my little China girl in English that she was staying with me forever, and that it was Adoption Day! She stared straight ahead, confident that I must be apologizing or saying goodbye. When we went downstairs to eat at the buffet, she perked up until she saw Fred, our guide from the day before. Then, she was back to her previous, sad state. She refused to eat breakfast. Then, we were ushered forward to our taxi, enroute back to the Civil Affairs Office. I asked Fred to translate that she was staying with me. She was stone faced, but compliant to my every request. I held her hand in mine.
When the orphanage staff arrived, they ducked behind a barrier at first. They were concerned that she would run to them and reject me, like the previous day, but that didn't happen. Instead, the girl they all knew as being an introvert, only opening up to people she knew very well, hid from them. Instead, they explained to her in her familiar Gaoyou dialect that they came to say goodbye, and that she was going with me. They said that "Your Mom will never leave you."
After those words were spoken, her whole disposition changed. She livened up, started to talk and play with them at a table nearby, while I completed her adoption paperwork. Then, they expressed the transformation of her, and expressed their sheer joy and gratitude for our bonding experience, and told me that Gao Jiliang was not a child that trusted just anyone. I told them that she was talking a lot to me at the hotel, but I didn't know what she was saying. One of the females smiled and said that she only talks to people that she knows really well.
They were genuinely moved by our adoption experience, and relieved that Jiliang was happy. There are cases where some adoptions are rejected, sadly enough, and I could almost see a wave of relieve pass over their faces as they expressed Jiliang's transformation and acceptance into her new family. Every word they spoke to me was translated, yes, but some things can be spoken, and some things can only be felt with the heart. They kept looking at her and saying the equivalent of "wow" in Chinese, and shaking their heads in almost disbelief. It was obvious that they truly wanted a happy ending for Gao Ji Liang ("Gow Gee Lee Awn").

This whole year has passed by so quickly, yet I feel that we have known Gao Ji Liang (now Jili Koeppe) forever. For the last year, I had been planning to put a slideshow of this year on Jili's blog. I have been saving photos of important moments and looking forward to putting her memories in something that, I suppose, would mean personal closure to our adoption process and the stress that goes with the paperchase and wait; and celebrate our thankfulness for the health that Jiliang enjoys and appreciates today.
Last Saturday, I got hit with a terrible virus that had been going around my school, and this weekend became a complete blur. As I looked at the date on February 22nd, I realized that we didn't celebrate her first Gotcha Day, because I had been sick and because I was thinking of the China Time (2/22). I was disappointed, but I have learned that it doesn't change the fact that I have been reflecting those special days for weeks prior to that anniversary. I have also learned from this past year through my own faults, that life is not about perfect opportunities, but about treasuring the memories of yesterday and cherishing the small moments of today. Life is but a series of small moments, and we back get what we put into it. On Adoption Day, we kept things simple, and we decided to celebrate with popsicles. The kids thought popsicles were great! Scott made dinner and we each said something that we loved about Jiliang, yet T.J. surprised us most: "Uggh, Mom, I don't know," and he paused, "I just love everything about her. I can't pick one thing." That made Jili smile most.
I find that reflecting on sorrows and tribulations is an important way to appreciate our joys and our accomplishments. Looking back, we can measure how far we have come in any trying situation.
As I look back on our trip in China, I long to go back and do it all over again, but without all of the chaos and the hustle and bustle. Next time, it's panda bears, The Great Wall of China, a visit to the city of Gaoyou (Jiliang's Hometown), and the Gaoyou Orphanage. Jili and T.J. and both looking forward to it.

Happy Anniversary Sweetheart! We love you very much Jili!
Mom, Dad, and T.J.

Our girl is officially Jiliang Josephine Koeppe!!

We had our court date today and Jili's received her legal name: Jiliang Josephine Koeppe. I was really nervous sitting there, but the judge walked in with a smile on his face and made the experience quick, painless and memorable.
Our girl said she wants to be American, but insists, "No, I still Chinese!!" I am happy that she is proud of her heritage. I told her, "You are Chinese-American." Today, she has been saying, "Now, I Chinese-American" with a huge smile.
When we were in the courtroom today, she and T.J. shared a chair at the front table in front of Judge Iddings. When the Judge asked if we were there about "Jiliang", and she quietly smiled from her seat. She understood that her name was going to be Jiliang Josephine Koeppe.
Jili has been asking questions about China. "Why was I in China?" "Why didn't T.J. and Dad go?" I know that the tougher questions are coming and these questions alone tugged at our hearts. What I did explain is that she was born in China and T.J. was born in America. I also explained that we waited a long time to meet her and wanted her for a long time. I also said that I went 'Over the Rainbow' to get to her. Scott said, "I saw your picture and said, 'That's my little girl!' I couldn't wait to meet you." Then, T.J. said, "I couldn't wait to meet you either!" I told her the story of how we saw we saw her picture for the first time and picked her. "Daddy and I were so happy and couldn't wait to meet you. You were in China and we were at home." She really understood. "You loved me and waited a long time for me?" "You couldn't wait to meet me, Dad couldn't wait to meet me and T.J. couldn't wait to meet me." "Yes," I said, "I wanted my little girl every day. When we saw your picture, we cried and we said, "She's so beautiful." Jili smiles when we say this. She is growing very confident about her place in our hearts.
Jili has very little memories of her orphanage life in China. I wanted to ask her some things about China, now that she can express herself and while she can still remember. She does not remember her caretakers anymore or aunties (pronounced I E's) from the photos that I was given. I did ask if she missed her "I E's" and she said no. I asked if they were mean to her and she said no. I asked if they hugged her and she said yes. I asked if they kissed her and if they told her they loved her, and she said no to both. She answered "Yes" and nodded that she missed her friends at the orphanage. She said that Fang Fang ("Fon Fon") was like her bigger sister and was nice to her and hugged her. She said that none of the children were mean to her. She recalls playing ball and riding a bike. She also pointed to a picture of her orphanage and said, "Where is my door?" Then, in a photo of her classroom area, she said that she had snack there. Basically, she was taken care of, but understands the difference between caretakers and family.
Jili no longer fears going to new places. During a Christmas shopping trip in December, Jili and T.J. asked me how far China was from our house. I told her that China was far away and that we had to take a big airplane to get there. We couldn't go there in a car, a little airplane or a boat. It was at that moment that I realized that Jiliang feared every car ride, every visit to a new place, and that every form of transportation or transition meant that her family life - as she knew it - could come to a screeching halt. The smile on her face at that moment finally spelled a sigh of relief. She tells me quiet often, "China far away. You can only get there on a big airplane. Not on a car or a boat." She now understands that she is never leaving us.
The Gaoyou Orphanage staff sent us a Chinese New Year card for the 2011 Year of the Rabbit. They also sent us information on the Chinese Homeland Tour. Jili has even expressed an interest in going back to see China. "We go China, say hi and say bye, and go home." This recent strides in her confidence and security have meant so much. When we talk about Chinese related things, she says, "Yeah, MY China." So, when she says that she wants to still be Chinese, it makes me smile. And when I hear the song, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", I think of how far away she was just 1 year ago, as I was packing my bags to leave for China; and I remember the sad face in the picture of that little girl halfway across the world - one who now beams with excitement, and delights in small moments and the simplest pleasures. And when I think of all of the stress, paper-chasing and sorrows, I think of how that little face could melt it all away: "where troubles melt like lemon-drops". Somewhere, far away there was a little girl who needed us and filled our hearts with joy -"Somewhere over the rainbow".

February 2010

Gaoyou Orphanage Care Package

I am sending a care package to Jili's orphanage this week. There is a fee to send the letter, and I am paying extra to have a cake or food item sent, so that I will receive pictures of Jili's friends. We did this back in June and it was really nice to see the children at the Gaoyou Orphanage with smiles on their faces, enjoying a special treat. Some of you expressed interest in sending money towards the care package. If you would like to donate a dollar or more, I will add some extra items in the care package, and make sure that you receive photographs privately.
I will not be posting them to my blog, in order to preserve the confidentiality of the children and the trust of the staff. I am setting up a Paypal account on the right side of my blog, if you wish to donate. Please know that there is no pressure at all. I am doing this regardless to send the orphanage an update on Jiliang. I am also hoping to find out if Jili's best friend, Ji Fang (nickname is pronounced "Fon Fon") is still there, and to leave our contact information for Jili's friends, should they become adopted.
Last summer, it brought tears in my eyes to see those faces from Jili's pictures once again. Yet, it made me happy to know that I was a part of bringing smiles and joy to their day, which was evident in the photos.
If you have any questions pertaining to the care package, please contact me at: jillkoeppe@yahoo.com
Blessings,
Jill :)

February is American Heart Month

Jili meets Dora wearing her own "Dorla" hair.

I have not been on much lately, but in the back of my mind, I have been thinking quite often, "Wow, I need to put that on my blog." I certainly do have a lot of catching up to do. The last few months have been busy, because I started a new teaching job. It has been really stressful - as any new change can be an adjustment -but very rewarding and "heart"-warming in itself.
All of the new changes in our lives this past year have left me pretty exhausted lately. There is so much that I want to say, but it's so hard to do all of the catching up. I can say that I have decided that I am going to plug away at finishing my book: Journey to Jiliang. I wrote a little a few days ago, and forgot how wonderful it felt to write again. My new goal for the book is this summer. I realized now that my original - August 2010 - goal was unrealistic and honestly, Jili's story was not complete at that point, although I did not know it at the time. So many things kept me from my goal last summer, and I felt very frustrated and defeated, but then I realized that my book would not had the proper ending if Jili's story had ended there. All in all, everything has a reason and a proper time. Therefore, I am trying to forge ahead, not look back, and be thankful for our blessings.
In lieu of all of the craziness that our household has endured this past year with the adoption paperchasing, Jili's surgery and recovery, the job change for me, and trying to make a 900 square foot house accomodate a four person household, we have decided to use the month of February - American Heart Month - to slow down, and find healthier ways to eat and de-stress. We are looking forward to some normalcy.
On a positive note, my son, T.J., was Student of the Week AND Student of the Month. He was in the local newspaper, received an award at school, and a Congratulatory letter for our State Representation, Nancy Jenkins. At my job, I have been able to see some hard work pay off. Some of my previous work experiences are helping me in my current teaching job. It's funny how sometimes, you wonder how a job or situation could possibly be what you need at the time, and then you find yourself drawing on that experience and knowledge in a later situation, and you think, "Wow, God really knew what he was doing, and just when I thought I was in limbo." So, once again, I found that no experience can ever be taken for granted. All we can do is wait patiently and faithfully until our door of opportunity presents itself.
Jili is doing really great. She can't wait to go to school. When T.J. has homework, she wants homework too. "When can I go to school, Mom?" she asks. Jili has a court date this month, to receive her Michigan Birth certificate and then she will subsequently become a U.S. citizen. It is hard to believe that February 22nd (U.S. Time) will mark her first anniversary as our daughter.
Yesterday, I took Jiliang to a children's clothing store to sell off some of her outgrown clothing and meet Dora the Explorer up close. Afterwards, I took her and T.J. to the Build-a-Bear workshop to create a furry friend. As soon as she saw Hello Kitty, she said, "Yes, I want Hello Kitty," and hugged and kissed her. She really liked making a wish on her kitty's heart, and knowing that she created this special friend. T.J. had already done it before, so he happily walked her through the process.
Scott and I are actually looking forward to doing some home updates this spring, instead of paper-chasing, worried about grim circumstances, and sitting in a hospital room. Things are looking up, and we are ready to move forward with our lives and finally, maybe, take a deep breath and a sigh of relief. This has been a tough year, but one filled with immense blessings. After we sort of debrief and readjust our lives, there comes a time to believe that good things are under way. I feel that we are both looking towards the future with hope and thankfulness.
With that said, I will leave you with a quote that I liked from Joel Osteen,which sort of brings to pass the last year of my life or our lives, so to speak:
"The moment God puts the promise in your heart, the moment the dream took root, at that same moment God established a set time to bring it to pass." Check it out at:
http://www.livedash.com/transcript/joel_osteen/2/KTVU/Sunday_December_19_2010/535154/
Joel also told a story about a man who wanted to break a record swimming a channel, but then he came upon a fog and panicked, only to find that he was 50 yards from setting a record. The lesson: Don't give up. Your circumstances may look grim or hopeless, but you never know when you are 50 yards away from your destiny.
My readers in the adoption community can relate to this; and those of you with children with heart defects or other special needs; or anyone facing hard times. Just remember to stay in faith, be positive, and know that hard times will fade and blessings will come your way.
Blessings and prayers to everyone reading!
Jill

More Christmas Extras

Jili and her side pigtails!!

If you get a chance, read the previous blog. It highlights our Christmas, but here are a few other small stories and happenings.

*****************************************
On a smaller note, Jili and I bought T.J. an inexpensive little Carol Clock from Tractor Supply Company, and we set it up two nights before Christmas. When we bought it, Jili said, "Oh, I know Cuckoo Clock". I couldn't believe she said that: to my knowledge, she has seen one cuckoo clock months ago, and she made that generalization. I must say, that clock brought us so much joy. Even in the hustle and bustle, it would play a Christmas Carol every hour; and every hour, we would all stop to listen and enjoy it. It was our little ounce of Christmas Spirit in the backdrop of all of the chaos. We loved it so much that we located another one to spread some Christmas cheer to Jili's Godparents' family. It's truly the simplest and unexpected things in life that remind us to slow down and live in the moment.

*****************************************
At my parents' house, we talked about seeing Santa on Christmas and his affirmation of going to see the children in China. My parents and I asked Jili if she thought Santa went to China. "Yes," she said. "Do you think that Fang Fang and your friends in China saw Santa?" "No," she answered, matter-of-factly, with a stern face. I asked again, and rephrased it, "No," she replied again. I think Jiliang has a true understanding of what priveleges children in a orphanage do not receive. There is no Santa when you are an orphan. This Chinese New Year, I would like to send a care package to Jiliang's orphanage, and if anyone would like to contribute even a dollar, you can do so online. I will try to do it in the next few weeks. I like to send cakes, because I get to receive a picture of the children enjoying them. Anyone who chooses to donate any amount will definitely get a copy of the children enjoying it.

I don't know if you recall when Jili saw photos of her friends in China receiving chocolate coins last April. A woman that I met online, whose daughter was also adopted from Jili's orphanage, traveled to Jili's orphanage on a homeland tour with her daughter. Jili saw her friends eating chocolate coins, and she was so mad. I thought that she would be excited to see photos of her ophanage friends, but instead she wondered where she was when they were eating chocolate. She gave the look, "I didn't get chocolate in China! Where was I when they were indulging in chocolate?" That told me that treats were rare or nonexistent in an orphanage.
*****************************************

I will add more photos of Jili's Christmas soon. I am in the process of hooking up my new scanner/printer, so I will scan/upload her new Christmas portraits. :) Yes, I went without a working printer for too long. I am so excited about my new scanner. In the meantime, here is a photo of the kids on Christmas Eve on the main page. It was taken on my phone, so the lighting is not too good, but I love the picture. :)
*************************************************************************************

Blessings!
Jill ;)

Jiliang's First Christmas & Finding the Christmas Spirit

I'm sorry that I didn't post updated pictures as promised. This Christmas was really busy - as always for us all, I suppose; but this Christmas in particular really snuck up on us. I changed jobs in December, and the busyness of learning a new classroom and administrative teacher duties kept me busy in December. The same day that I started my new job, T.J. started swim lessons. Every night, Jili and I watched him swim, and every night that Scott was not working, we all went as a family, and T.J. made us proud. By the time we ate dinner, and went to swim lessons, it was always time for bed when we got home, except for the night when we picked our newly-cut Christmas tree. There were other holiday stressors, and of course, getting Jiliang's hair was an event in itself - a good one though.
Every day, Jiliang asked when Santa was coming and when she could open her gifts. She didn't understand the whole meaning of Christmas and the point of staring at wrapped gifts. "Why can't I open them," and "Why hasn't Santa come yet?" She must have wondered, "Who is this Santa, anyways?" More than anything, I really wanted to give her the Christmas of a lifetime, one that she so deserved.
The Tuesday before Christmas, Jiliang got her hair. :) I made a portrait appointment for the kids for that night, excited about mailing photos out in cards the following day. However, Jili cried about her new hair. It felt funny - not the reaction that I had expected. Therefore, I rescheduled the appointment for Wednesday, already feeling guilty about the Christmas card defeat. I sent Christmas cards out faithfully for years. This year I threw in the towel - just like that. I had so many more things to accomplish, like baking cookies with my kids and visiting Santa. However, I forgot that I had made dentist appointments on Thursday --oops--that threw a wrench into my cookie-baking operation. Luckily, we made to our local Diner to see Santa, and off to our dentist appointments we went. An unexpected trip to WalMart followed to stock up on baking supplies, which delayed my cookie-baking even more.
The following day, I rushed to Sears to pick up our portraits, and back home to get ready for Christmas Mass. Afterwards, we enjoyed Christmas festivities at a family friend's home, and the kids got to see Santa up and close. I even got to eat some handmade Christmas tamales. Yummy!
Santa called the children up one by one, and when he got to Jiliang, she rushed to see Santa Claus without hesitation, as T.J. had given her the scoop on the man in red. Santa said, "This one came all the way from China to see Santa," and Jiliang nodded. Then, she told Santa she wanted a tractor for Christmas. As Santa left, he said, "Ho, ho, ho...I'm off to take presents to the good little children in China,", and Jiliang lit up and said, "Yeah, MY CHINA", and nodded with the Magic of Christmas.
Back home that evening, I enjoyed getting the house ready for Santa. However, for the first time in at least OVER 23 YEARS, I did NOT make a single Christmas cookie. Usually, I do not go to bed without at least 5 different types of cookies made, even if it means staying up through the night. This year, I opted to go to bed, though after much Christmas preparation, it was still past midnight. T.J. bribed my mom out of 5 of her amazing sugar cookies, because he was certain that Santa wouldn't come unless there were cookies, and carrots for Santa's reindeer. "It's okay Mom," T.J. said before church, "You don't have to make cookies now, because I have some of Grandma's sugar cookies." He had all of his bases covered.
I had let both Jili and T.J. both sleep in T.J.'s room on Christmas Eve, since they were so excited about Christmas. It literally took 20 seconds for T.J. to fall asleep, and in no time Jili was out as well. It reminded me of the verse, "while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads." :)
Christmas came and went. The children enjoyed Christmas and delighted in every gift. When Scott got home from his tour of duty, we woke up the kids at 7:30 a.m. T.J. jumped right out of bed, and Jili was slow to wake, as always, clinging to the covers and kicking and protesting for sleep. She sat in the living room - lifeless -and watched T.J. open his stocking and Santa gifts, until T.J. opened his Zhu Zhu pet from Santa. She came alive and checked her own stocking to find a pink Zhu Zhu pet for her too. Forget the big ticket items, the Zhu Zhu pets and tractors took center stage. They tore through our gifts, then we headed to my parents' house for breakfast and gifts, and then to Scott's parents' home for gifts and dinner.
That Christmas night, I sat and told Scott that something was missing, and we were both in agreement that Christmas came and went quick this year, and the whole hustle and bustle had wiped us out. I wanted the whole perfect Christmas for Jiliang's First Christmas, but somewhere it all went awry. The kids seemed content, of course. In essence, we agreed that we didn't have the Christmas Spirit this year. Christmas is one of my favorite times of the year, and I love the Spirit that it fills me with each year. I looked at all of the unwrapped and wavered that all of the gifts under the tree couldn't make up for surpassing the True of Meaning of Christmas.
What we concluded was this: next year, we are going to celebrate the True Meaning of Christmas, and slow down and cherish those special moments with our family. Every year, I try to honor the Birth of Christ and I do struggle with all of the hyped, materialistic gift-giving every year. Every year I try to find that balance as to how much of that interferes with the real meaning of Christmas. This year, I really felt that I stepped backwards. I am not saying that I don't want to give gifts next year, but I do want to take more time to create lasting memories with my children and celebrate giving in a more meaningful and profound way, and if that means that there are less gifts under the tree and more gifts of the heart, so be it. If it means less running to and fro, that's perfectly fine with me.
Christmas night, T.J. said, "Mom, we didn't make cookies," and he named a couple of Christmas specials that I promised we would watch, and crafts that I promised we would do. I responded, "Well, we can still do that. We'll just make them the day after Christmas. And we did, just not for Santa Claus. As I thought of all of the should-haves and would-haves, I realized something that our Priest said at Mass, which went something like this: Christmas is a special day, but the Spirit of Christmas and the celebration of Christ shouldn't live in our hearts only at Christmastime.
In conclusion, the True Celebration of Christmas came a bit late for us this year for reasons I just can't fathom, but I can say that I spent the last week with my family - especially my children - listening to sweet Christmas music, sipping holiday tea, baking cookies, doing puzzle and games, playing with toys watching spirited Christmas movies and shows, and planning of all of the fun we will have next Christmas. I neglected my blog, my emails, my cellphone, and I apologize for that, but I needed to experience to the First Christmas with my new family of FOUR.

Today, the holiday season of Christmas has ended, and this New Year's Day, I carefully put away each ornament, remembering the importance of each one, and I wrote another annual post-Christmas entry in my son's memory ornament. Each year, when I take down the Christmas ornaments, I write my son a note about Christmas: this year, he was old enough to hear the entries for the first time (when we hung the ornaments), and he was surprised to know that I had written a memory down for his every Christmas. Therefore, when we were wrapping the ornaments back up, he said excitedly, "Mom, don't forget to write a note in my ornament!" Every year, I get to tell him how much I love and appreciate him, and now he reads it the following year. I will do the same for Jiliang too, starting this year.
We learn so much from our children. This year, my son and daughter taught me to take a step back and relive the Christmas Spirit through their eyes. And that is the True Meaning of Christmas: Love. This New Year, Rejoice, and know that it is never too late to find Christmas in your Heart.

"For God So loved the world that He gave Him one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."
~John 3:16 (New International Version, ©2010)


Happy Christmas and New Year. May you receive countless blessings and God's Amazing Grace in 2011.

With Love,
Jill and family