Faith, Love and Forgiveness

Blowing Bubbles in Nanjing after our Official Adoption Day or Mama/Daughter I-Do's


Peeling an orange at breakfast in Guangzhou - She loves fruit!


A Lesson in Faith, Love and Forgiveness:

One of the things that I experienced in China was love. I was surrounded by so much love and kindness amongst all of the hustle, bustle and chaos. I vow to write down all of the incidents so that I share them with you sometime soon.
The adoption journey was truly an amazing Faith Journey of my Christian faith.
I have encountered countless compassionate people on my journey, especially throughout these last few months. In the States, as well as in China, I have had the privelege of interacting with many wonderful people: family members, friends and complete strangers (who are strangers no more to me). What I have discovered is that kindness and love are the greatest things that others can bestow upon us. When there is kindness, there is no room for hatred.
Therefore, one of the things that I struggled with is forgiveness. I battled with the loss of my health for three years. It left me spiraling in ups and downs. I would forge on in a positive way, but there were always set-backs; and those were the times in which I would be reminded of the loss. I was very angry for the lost years of my son's early childhood. There was no way that I could get those years back. When I had my son, I had a traumatic birthing experience, and I ended up having three major reconstructive surgeries, including a hysterectomy, to feel whole again.
When my Principal, Connie Toigo, passed away, I realized that I not only needed to forgive a few people for those lost years; but I needed to let go of the loss and move forward. She told me that last May, and I wanted to do it; yet the bitterness and the loss was still so very deep-rooted and painful; and I silently grieved for the lost time. I would go months feeling good; and then something would remind me of the loss; and I would feel it rushing back; then all of the "What-If's" faced me once again.
When I was on the plane ride home with Jiliang, I had an opportunity to think about all of the blessings I had received in China, and all of the wonderful people that unexpectedly weaved their way into my heart and had come to my aid just when I needed help or guidance. I felt so blessed. When you feel that kind of kindness, love, hope and Faith, there is no room for looking back. There is no room for anger, resentment, bitterness, or disappointment. Where there is joy, there is no room for commiserating about the "What-if's" or "Whys". You can only move forward and cherish what you have today.
The Sunday after I came back home, I went back to my church: St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church. Jiliang and I were received in welcomed arms and blessings from Father Dan, Deacon Jim Nicholson and Deacon Ray Pizana. I felt at home and at Peace.
The sermon reflected on our need for God's Divine Intercession, and not relying on ourselves to go through the challenges alone, but handing our sorrows and defeats over to God. It was a continuation of the sermon in China that unfolded in front of me.
For me personally, I have often tried to overcome challenges without asking for the Grace of God. Even through this Adoption Faith Journey, I slipped back into the mode of trying to do it all one chaotic day in China, which left me feeling defeated and overwhelmed. Even through God's small signs and intercessions throughout the adoption process should have been enough proof, and seeing first-hand the "Power of Prayer" from my Loving China's Children Christian Group, I was still guilty of forgetting to ask for God's help during a chaotic moment in China. It was then that I chose to meet my friends at Church, as promised, and I was again reminded that God was always waiting to intervene. It only takes a moment for us to ask.
This Wednesday, Scott and I heard the worst-case scenario about Jiliang's heart condition and her skull, and I felt defeated. I felt so much pain and fear of losing my little girl. I needed hope and a Miracle, so I reached out to my Christian Community and friends, and my fears and sorrows were met with hope. Many people are praying for my beautiful little girl, and I believe that God can deliver a huge Miracle for our daughter. The prayers of friends and family have provided us with faith, love, peace and hope.
This Sunday, I went back to church. I received comfort in my church and in the sermon or Homily, as we call it. The topic was Forgiveness. Deacon Ray Pizana spoke on how to truly receive peace in your heart: you must truly forgive without placing conditions on that forgiveness. Many people can offer forgiveness, but not forget. Prior to this Homily, I had come to the realization this week that in order to be without anger, you must forgive whole-heartedly. It would be so easy to hold a grudge at someone for my daughter's health issues or for the lack of information about her health. Just as I cannot hold a grudge about my birth trauma and lost years with my son, I cannot blame anyone for what fate that my little girl endured, or the medical care she did or did not receive. It does nothing but breed anger and postpone your joy. I am truly thankful that Jiliang's file landed in our laps that unexpected day, and that we received this beautiful, happy, vibrant, sweet little girl.
Forgiveness was everything my heart needed for peace; and the words uttered today by Deacon Ray solidfied what I needed to do: forgive and forget; and rejoice in the present. Forgetting does not mean that the experience was in vain. Sorrows are opportunities for learning and growing. Experiencing sorrows are ways that we can more fully experience joys and cherish those that we love. My Aunt Helen, Uncle Dave and Cousin Maggie recently sent me a card to celebrate Jiliang's coming into our lives, and the card read: "When life gives you rain, God gives you rainbows." I thought that was especially fitting for this post.
If anything, make peace with God, make peace with others, and make peace with yourself. Life is too short. Therefore, laugh a lot, pray a lot, and cherish the people that you love. Be sweet to others, because you never know when you can be someone's Earth Angel.
God Bless You All On This Day!
Jill :)


Jiliang enjoying watermelon in China - taken minutes before the next photograph



Jiliang on the famous Red Couch at the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou
As you can see, she is scared to death that someone is going to take her away from Ma-ma! She looked frozen stiff. Poor baby.